Weird, Funny & Bizarre Porn

As an addition to last post’s fart video discoveries, I’ve found a Japanese flatulence video entitled What Is She Doing? Apparently it consists of girls crouching in random locations and making strained faces as they try to push gas out of their behinds. (I had barbeque baked beans and potato salad last night, so I can relate.)

And yes, there is a preview clip available (fart closeup about :50). The cameraman sounds like one of those guys who works on those crazy japanese TV shows, gettting girls to attach pork chops to their heads and such.

I’m going to dedicate the next few weeks to posting strange japanese porn titles, including armpit fetish, saliva and shampoo videos, and strangely-themed granny porn.

This week’s selections, as well as last post’s “box cover of the month” come from Astral Ocean, possibly the worst porn company in America. In addition to farting videos, the company also carries pussy queefing and Indian pee titles, along with a wide selection of fetish videos, bizarre imports and low budget crap.

Claiming to have been banned in 60 countries, Fartworld Toxic Teens Gas and Butt Burps Fartland could only have been outlawed for their awfulness, rather than their decidedly unerotic subject matter. The back cover descriptions (FTTG, BBF) - complete with bad grammar, misspellings and lousy puns - tell you all you need to know about these videos.

A delightfully cheesy but obscure porn classic, Robot Love Slaves is an early (1971) porn-era flick primarily remembered for being one of buxom blonde Candy Samples‘ first feature films. From the box description:

“A geeky “scientist” revives naked, dead women on slabs in his dirty basement by sticking a vacuum cleaner hose in their mouth. Reanimated but mindless, they obey his every perverted command. Meanwhile his paraplegic (actually faking), white trash wife is having an affair with some other geezer. The scene shifts to the down & dirty diva herself Candy Samples doing a three-way with another guy and gal. Then back to the catatonic hippie chicks and their horny creator who probably thought he should have received the Nobel Prize for his great achievement. “

Replete with cheesy plot, shoestring budget, ugly actors and bad acting, Robot Love Slaves is exactly what you’d expect. From the scratchy black-and-white 35mm print to the funky avant-garde Moog synthesizer soundtrack, this is a bizarre time capsule from the early days of adult cinema. If you’re so inclined to own this film, it can be purchased as a double feature with A Kinky Girl and Her Horse. (I’m not going to touch that one with a ten-foot pole.)

Ange Venus is a Chinese porn star who writes, produces and stars in her own “erotic dramas.” This tall, slender and very flexible model engages in what she calls “yoga sex,” fucking and sucking in a variety of contortionist positions.

Several of the releases from Ange Venus Productions are filmed in the same living room, regardless of plot. And judging by the trailers, you can hear theme music (off-key and badly warbled) sung by the actress herself! Titles include:

• The aptly named Queen Ange and Porno Clown. (”Queen Ange’s General tried his best to make his queen happy… See what surprise he brought to her. One of best Ange Venus’s Erotica Drama Movie.”)
• Ange Venus vs. Devil Mars, an attempt at a sci-fi plot. (”Devil Mars got extremely jealous because Ange enjoying sex on earth with many men. He finally could not bear and wanted to destroy her kingdom”)
• Sex & Sword, where our dexterous heroine wields a sword during intercourse. (”A playboy was suspected to murder Ange’s twin sister, To find the truth, she had to offer him sex and sword.”)

I don’t think I have to tell you that these are badly written, produced and acted. At least the sex is interesting, if you like to see a very flexible Chinese woman in threesomes. You want to see the preview trailers, right? Here you go!

The video to the left gets our Golden Testicle award for: 1. The old guys high-fiving on the cover and 2. The subject in the middle is a man.

Hot Clits (warning: terrible animated gif wallpaper) is an amateur porn label out of Las Vegas run by and starring polysexual Ted Turner-lookalike Carl Hubay. Along with nailing men that dress like women, Carl fucks a wide variety of male and female swingers.

I’m convinced that this guy will fuck anything, and judging by his output, he has no shortage of partners. (Probably because he publishes his home phone number and address on the back cover of every video, as well as a crude hand-drawn map to his house.)

Even if you’re a red-blooded, 100% straight heterosexual male who wouldn’t be caught dead reading a blog post about anal sex with crossdressing men, your heart will be warmed by Carl’s hardcore plowings of relatively hot female swingers. I’d personally like to see the cutie in Teen Anal Seduction pounded like a rug. Check out Hot Clits’ streaming video titles here.

The somewhat mistitled USA Publications produces overpriced ($49 for a 1 hr. VHS), low-budget videos of amateur catfights filmed in various countries around the world. They claim to be one of the top producers in the catfight niche (”dominating the market,” according to FHM - five years ago!) with over 40 catfight videos in our theater.

If catfighting is your thing, check out these titles in our theater along with over 200 more catfight videos! You can download and own titles such as Real Street Catfights, Russian Catfights, Portugal Catfights and European Catfights for much less than the retail price!

Do ladies over 60 turn you on? Do you think geriatric gumjobs are hot? Are you wondering where can you go to see senior citizens doing the nasty with younger men?

Germany, of course! The Germans are the most prolific producers of granny porn (oma porno), complete with blue hair, babushkas and sagging, wrinkly skin. The Oma series from Horny Heaven features over twenty 90-minute videos (release date: “1/1900″) of hot granny action, even for those of us who don’t get a hard-on at AARP meetings!

While Germany doesn’t have a monopoly on granny porn videos, they certainly do produce some of the most bizarre. And now, your moment of zen:

Girls who wear latex and PVC are hot. They’re like pornstars, but kinkier. They’re the kind of girls that’ll do nasty things to you and then turn around and let you do nasty things to them!

And then there are the rubber fetishists. The ones who like full body suits, gas masks, artificial male bulges and giant rubber breasts. The kind that get all hot and bothered over scuba gear. The Germans (not surprisingly) are some of the more enthusiastic fans and purveyors of rubber fetish porn (German translation: gummi fetisch porno)

German studio Absurdum is one of the more notable producers of full-on rubber fetish, along with Marquis, the fetish magazine. (They have some very nice Dita Von Teese videos). American studio Gwen Media produces stylish and erotic rubber fetish videos that even a non-fetishist would like.

One of the funniest & most bizarre websites I’ve ever come across is Leather Oaks, the personal website of a leather, rubber and male bulge fetishist (”For long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by the powerful curves of a good male basket.”)

For starters, check out the Christmas card page - 25 years of holiday greetings. My favorite pic on the site is the green He-Man getup to the left. Still, you gotta give it to the guy for being passionate about his interests. Even if it is rubber wading boots.

Our sister site, Japanese Fetish Videos, features a wide selection of unique and sometimes bizarre adult videos from Japan. This particular title (translated on the box as “jujuko costume play lesbian”) stands alone in its rather bizarre uniqueness. Sure, there’s plenty of mature lesbian videos, but this has got to be the first one to feature cosplay sex.

Take a close look at the front cover. Attractive, aren’t they? Now, truth be told, I took a little peek at the video and it’s actually not that awful. If older and slightly saggy asian women don’t repel you (or if they in fact turn you on) then you might actually enjoy this. It’s just that the cosplay seemed so… tacked-on.